WHERE BEEF AND BABIES COME FROM

Dear Weeb,

Yesterday, Rocky was on TV and there was a scene where Rocky was walking through a meat locker. You wanted to know what was hanging from the ceiling so Daddy explained that it was cow. Horrified, you wanted to know who had killed them. Daddy explained that it is beef and that we eat them.

The look on your face... I can't describe it. Then you said, "Ew." We explained, as one might explain to a 5 year old, that when the cows die, we eat 'em. You proceeded to act more than a little bit horrified. I'm surprised you didn't declare your vegetarianism right then and there. But you're like your mother so you decided ignorance was bliss, put it out of your mind and moved on.

I can't wait for you to 'figure out' where chicken comes from.

Today, you mentioned that one of your friends at school had been telling you that she came out of her mother's belly because the doctors had to cut her. I explained that your cousin J came out of Auntie M that way, too and it's pretty common.

Then you asked me if that's how you came out of my belly.

Um.

No.

You wanted to know how you came out of my belly.

Seriously, kid?

I wasn't quite sure what to say to you. So I explained that when we are pregnant and the baby is ready to come out, our private parts stretch and that's how you come out.

Again... that face. Horror. Again, "Ew!" I said it was really natural and women had been doing it since the beginning of having babies.

Then you wanted to know how you got in there.

Kid.

Really?

So I did my best to change the subject. Cuz I'm an awesome mum that way.