MUMMY AND WEEB FEB/11

Dear Weeb,

We were reading tonight, and having a little cuddle when you decided to play peek-a-boo. Kid, you're dangerously cute!

CATCHING SNOWFLAKES ON YOUR TONGUE

Dear Weeb,

Since you were old enough to stand, you have been determined to catch snowflakes on your tongue when it snows.

Did you get one?

THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD

Dear Weeb,

I think you are the prettiest girl in the world, so I take your picture a lot. Thanks for not constantly rolling your eyes at me. Thanks for giving me more smiles than not.

TOY TEA PARTY

Dear Weeb,

You are adorable.

CRASH THE PARTY

Dear Weeb,

When talking to Grandma and Grandpa today, I suggested that we crash their place some time this weekend and announce, "We're here for lunch!"

You looked completely horrified. You said that if we did that, the police would come and the ambulance and the fire trucks and everything would be broken and we would all 'be died'.

I meant it like 'crash the party', I explained to you.

You continued to look horrified.

After laughing at my suggestion that they should make lunch for us, Grandma explained that I just meant we would show up without an invitation and that it was okay. Grandpa added that I am very good at it. Hee hee...

I'm not sure if you're sold on the idea yet. Trust me, Grandma and Grandpa would love it if we crashed their place for lunch. Let's try it on Sunday, just to be sure.

BIKE WEEB

Dear Weeb,

You've been riding your brother's old bike for a year or more now. We don't do it very often. I'm thinking it's time to take the training wheels off soon. Though I never thought that bike was particularly stable and I can't for the life of me get the helmet to stay on your head properly.

Maybe we should just upgrade you to your sister's old bike. It is a bit more sturdy, though it may be a bit too big for you yet.

This morning you wanted Daddy to let you ride your bike to school. So he said yes. Then he walked it back home with him. Then when I went to pick you up, I brought your bike and you rode it home again. Maybe you don't need those training wheels anymore. You have decreed that you are going to ride your bike to school every day. I guess we should buy a bike lock.

TOES

Dear Weeb,

This is a shot from my blog. You have adorable little toes.

ATTACK OF THE MAMMARAZZI

Dear Weeb,

In an effort to learn how to better use my point and shoot camera, I joined a 28 day assignment / lesson program thingy for this February.

You have been my target... er... model, frequently.

And you've been pretty patient... for the most part... when you aren't annoyed and whining and whimpering and complaining about the constant posing or instructions as to what direction to look in, face to make, way to stand, etc.

Thank you for putting up with my recent hobby. I promise that it will pay off when you are a teenager and I can take amazing photos of you. Having a momma who can make you look gorgeous, even on the days that you aren't (like that's even possible with you!) will come in very handy - trust me!

Love Mummy / the Mammarazzi

SWOPPING THE FLOORS

Dear Weeb,

I love it when my made up bedtime stories get hijacked by yours.

For the past two nights we've been talking about your rainbow crystals and how they are each in charge of giving different types of dreams to people. For example, the green crystal helps people dream about grass and trees and limes. The blue crystal helps people dream about oceans and sky and rivers and blueberries.

People dream about a lot of fruit in our bedtime stories.

Tonight you explained that the crystals worked in a big mirrored castle and did errands for the Queen, like brushing her teeth and making her food and swopping her floors.

Swopping?

They might have been sweeping. Or mopping. But nobody was swopping.

Plus I think Swiffer may have that idea patented.

The crystals, as you tell it, don't like their jobs, but the Queen is very nice and gives them Valentine's Day cards and screamers (slushies with ice cream mixed in).

You tell better bedtime stories than I do.

BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND SMILE

Dear Weeb,

I know you're sick of posing for pictures for me. Thanks for humoring me. This one turned out great, doncha think?

VALENTINE'S DAY 2011

Dear Weeb,

We are celebrating Valentine's Day today instead of Monday. You know that Daddy and I don't do much for Valentine's Day for each other because we celebrate our love all year, so we don't feel we need to fuss too much about it on one specific day a year.

However, we both love to spoil you a little bit.

You've been rocking out to the Mini Pops Kids commercial every time you see it on TV so we got it for you and put it on my old (red) iPod Nano. We gave it to you this morning and you've been singing your little heart out. It'll be all the more interesting as you learn more of the words.

Know that I took video of you singing (though 'singing' is not the correct term, really).

Know that if I put it on the Internet, it would be viral in hours.

Know that I love you too much to do that to you.

Know that I will use it as a threat when you are a teen.

Know that as much as YOU are GOING to hate this video, it is from a time when you were very happy, singing brought you a lot of joy, and your singing brought even more joy to me and Daddy.

IT'S SO FLUFFY!

When we were grocery shopping this morning, you spotted a fluffy pink unicorn. Being the world's biggest fan of Despicable Me, you gasped and looked at Daddy. You didn't even say a word. Daddy said, "Is it just so fluffy, yergonnadieitssofluffy!?" You nodded. The fluffy pink unicorn is now yours.

Happy Valentine's Day, Stinker. We love you.

OLAY (OIL OF)

Dear Weeb,

You have just informed me (thanks to a recently viewed commercial) that maybe I should buy Olay (oil of).

When I ask why, you suggest that I might need 'heavy lifting'.

My face needs some heavy lifting, eh?

Awesome.

Thanks kid.

No more TV stations with commercials for you!

THE BOSS OF ME

Dear Weeb,

Tonight I was explaining why you couldn't wear your fancy dress to school for Valentine's Day on Monday. You stomped your foot and muttered, "Why do YOU always get to be in charge of ME?"

Okay, YOU be in charge then, kid. YOU make your lunches and dinners and do your laundry and dishes and get your own groceries and read your own stories at bedtime and make sure you brush your teeth so they don't rot and have baths so you don't get stinky and itchy. YOU be in charge of getting up in the morning and getting to school on time. YOU take care of you when you're sick.

I kept listing all the things YOU could be in charge of, from now on, until you started crying. Because I'm an awesome mom like that.

So I put you on my knee and explained that I don't like being in charge all the time either and I don't like having to say no. But I'm the adult and I better understand the consequences of things right now. Daddy reminded you that WE have rules that WE have to follow, as well.

I promise that we will try to say yes more than we ever say no. I promise to try and let you be in charge of you as often as I can. And I promise that one day you WILL get to be boss of you. And I promise that not long after that happens, you'll be longing for the days that you weren't.

PHOTOGRAWEEB

Dear Weeb,

This is the face you make when you are up to no good.

And this is the face you make when you are trying to be a kiss shark.

A kiss shark, you ask?

Yes, you move in to give me a kiss then suddenly

open your jaws as if to have a bit of a nibble.

It's often painful and more often than that, funny.

WHERE BEEF AND BABIES COME FROM

Dear Weeb,

Yesterday, Rocky was on TV and there was a scene where Rocky was walking through a meat locker. You wanted to know what was hanging from the ceiling so Daddy explained that it was cow. Horrified, you wanted to know who had killed them. Daddy explained that it is beef and that we eat them.

The look on your face... I can't describe it. Then you said, "Ew." We explained, as one might explain to a 5 year old, that when the cows die, we eat 'em. You proceeded to act more than a little bit horrified. I'm surprised you didn't declare your vegetarianism right then and there. But you're like your mother so you decided ignorance was bliss, put it out of your mind and moved on.

I can't wait for you to 'figure out' where chicken comes from.

Today, you mentioned that one of your friends at school had been telling you that she came out of her mother's belly because the doctors had to cut her. I explained that your cousin J came out of Auntie M that way, too and it's pretty common.

Then you asked me if that's how you came out of my belly.

Um.

No.

You wanted to know how you came out of my belly.

Seriously, kid?

I wasn't quite sure what to say to you. So I explained that when we are pregnant and the baby is ready to come out, our private parts stretch and that's how you come out.

Again... that face. Horror. Again, "Ew!" I said it was really natural and women had been doing it since the beginning of having babies.

Then you wanted to know how you got in there.

Kid.

Really?

So I did my best to change the subject. Cuz I'm an awesome mum that way.

A FEW OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS

Dear Weeb,

I've been learning how to use my camera and we decided to do a photo shoot with a few of your favorite toys.

THE MASTERS OF WALKING

Dear Weeb,

We are watching CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS and Flint Lockwood just said, "But you can't run away from your own feet!"

You said, "Uh huh, he's right. Your toes are the masters of your walking. And your hands are the masters of cartwheels and handstands. And also, your hands are the masters of grabbing and holding."

Okay then. I'll keep that in mind. Thank you.

NUT ALLERGIES AND CANDIES

Dear Weeb,

You told me yesterday that one of the teachers took your group upstairs and you got a candy. I asked if it was nut safe and you shrugged.

This horrified me.

We've been talking to you about your nut allergy for two years now! You KNOW that you cannot have whatever food that you fancy. You KNOW that you must see the nut safe sign on foods and read the ingredients. You KNOW that not all parents, teachers or friends understand about nut allergies and how dangerous they can be. You know that sometimes people just forget and it's SO very important to make sure you KNOW that what you are putting in your mouth is safe!

I just cannot believe that you took candy from a teacher and didn't even think of your allergy. I just can't believe it.

You said that you took the candy because it keeps your class quiet.

I told you that you'd be VERY quiet if your tongue and mouth were so swollen that you couldn't get air to breath and even quieter still if you were dead.

I'm sorry I made you cry, baby, but you HAVE to understand how important this is.

It breaks my heart that you have this stupid allergy and I would take it and suffer it myself instead of you, if I could. And though I know better, I will forever blame myself for your having these allergies.

I think I will make up little cards for you to pass out to teachers, friends and parents of friends. It will say:

Hello, I have a tree nut / peanut allergy.

Do you know why peanut allergy is more dangerous than any other allergy? It is because it takes a very small amount of peanut protein to cause a potentially dangerous allergic reaction. Most other foods require a lot of food protein to cause a dangerous reaction. Even food not containing peanuts can be dangerous if it was made on a machine that previously processed a food containing peanuts. Hand lotions and shampoos containing nut oils can be dangerous, too.

I carry an Epi Pen with me at all times. If you think I have gone into Anaphylactic shock, please call 911 and use the Epi Pen.

Maybe MedicAlert has cards that I can order. A card on how to use an Epi Pen would be good too, as I'm sure many people wouldn't have any idea.

Ironically, yesterday we had a 2 year repeat allergy test set up for you. I'd canceled it before Christmas, feeling that since the odds were so unlikely that you would outgrow the allergy (your main allergy is to hazelnut, but you have a mild peanut allergy as well) and since you haven't had any reactions to the foods we eat, it wasn't worth the stress of you doing the test. Scratch tests are not fun and you were more than a little bit upset with the testing two years ago. And even if you have improved a bit, we likely wouldn't change how we're eating. I told you that, provided you don't start reacting to things we eat now, when you are old enough to make the choice to get tested again, we will take you.

Has it really been two years already? Has it ONLY been two years? I'm so sorry you have nut allergies, baby. Please don't eat anything unless you are absolutely CERTAIN that it is safe. Hopefully by the time you want to be tested again, you will have outgrown it. Hopefully they will learn more about these allergies and be closer to 'curing' them! Fingers crossed!

HAPPY GROUNDHUGGY DAY!

Dear Weeb,

Today is Groundhog Day. I told you that if we took Captain Huggy Face (the favorite snuggly pal for the past year or so) outside and he saw his shadow, it means 6 more weeks of winter. But if he DOESN'T see his shadow, then Spring is going to be here soon!

So we took Huggy outside. As he emerged from the recycling bin, he saw...

NO SHADOW!

Spring is coming! Woo hoo! Happy GroundHuggy Day!