GIANT BUTT

Dear Weeb,

Tonight you announced to your father, "No Daddy, you cannot have another cupcake or you will get a big belly. Like Mummy. And a big, giant BUTT!"

*blink*

We don't discuss fat in a negative way here. Once when you patted your belly and said you were growing up because your belly was growing out like mine, I said that my belly is big because I don't make healthy choices when I eat and I would feel better if I had a smaller tummy. I didn't think that would stick with you in a 'Mummy is fat' kind of way. I didn't think I'd have to start dealing with 'fat Mummy' until you were older.

SORRY

Dear Weeb,

You just gave me royal heck for talking too loud when your 'babies' are sleeping.

So I shouted SORRY.

You said, "Mummy, that doesn't really make sense."

I was laughing about that and you added, "The loud sorry isn't really working."

WORDS

BREAKFAST - You cannot say 'breakfast'. You call it 'breakfix' and it's darn near the cutest mispronounced word ever!

SKUNKS - This morning, when Daddy was dropping us off at school and work (his car was in the shop), we passed through a skunk smell. You commented on the smell. "What is that SMELL?" I told you it was a skunk. "Well it's just DISGUSTING!" Just hilarious to me to hear a 3.5 y/o saying disgusting!

WHAT? - You have this thing lately where you think it's hilarious to imagine something turning into something else. Example, boys turning into girls, toothbrushes turning into a cup, animals all being dead.

Wait.

What?

Yeah. You've been talking about all the animals being dead like it's funny. The dinosaurs ate them, you see.

Um...

But if I ever threaten to 'kill those cats', you get REALLY upset!

I hope I don't have to look back at this in a few years and wonder if it should have been a clue to something sinister.

I don't think you get the concept of death or dead. It's just so weird to hear her you this. It has something to do with something that you read or talked about at school, something. Because it's the two ideas together. Always starts with laughing over stuff turning into other stuff and the animals are all dead, at the end. I tell you I don't think that is funny, then you explain the dinosaurs ate them, I tell you again that I don't like that, I like animals and I think it would be funny if maybe the animals were HIDING.

Did you see that? Ten more hairs just went grey! LOL

CONTRACTIONS (LANGUAGE) - You will not use contractions anymore. If I ask you to do something that you don't want to do, you responds with, "I can not." It's so funny to hear. I know it's because you spend your day surrounded by adults and kids who speak English as a second language, and I know you knowhow to use the contraction words, but it's still funny to hear.

ANNOYING AND IGNORING

You confuse the words annoying and ignoring.

You've had them mixed up and mixed together for a few months now.

When we were going upstairs last night and I was giving you grief for your arms being so full of toys that I had to carry up your milk and water, you were saying, "Mummy, I know it's ignoying, but it's just something I have to do."

I nearly peed myself!

Honestly the stuff that comes out of your mouth! Excuse me, how old are you again?