EVIL PHONES

Dear Weeb,

Despite your insistence, there is no such thing as an evil phone.

When I ask you to hang the phone up for me, the correct response is not to walk away, muttering, "You do it."

Covering up cheeky behavior by then explaining how you're afraid to hang up the phone because what if it's evil and goes ZZZZZUTTTT at you is not going to work as a defense.

It was pretty funny though.

Speaking of evil, making your mother laugh to get yourself out of trouble is evil.

Bum. LOL

MINI POPS KIDS

Dear Weeb,

There is this horrible, horrible thing called Mini Pop Kids. They are a bunch of kids who sing current pop tunes. The original songs are SO much better, as pop songs go.

The problem is that they play commercials for Mini Pop Kids constantly one of on the TV stations you watch. This is the same station responsible for most of your birthday and Christmas MUST HAVE OR I WILL SIMPLY DIE requests. This is the same station that play commercials at ten times the volume as any movie or show that you happen to be watching.

You love the Mini Pop Kids commercials and have been singing every little bit of tune that you can remember. Not well. Not properly. But it's clear you really enjoy these songs.

Mini Pops Kids is evil. And when you are older you will be terribly embarrassed that you ever liked this garbage.

What you don't know yet is that Daddy and I are going to get the stupid recording for you and put it on my old iPod Shuffle for Valentine's Day (you are our little Valentine, after all). Then you can listen and sing to your heart's content.

Understand that I will continue to try and introduce you to GOOD music. However, I'm a firm believer that you like what you like. So go ahead and enjoy. I will continue to love you forever, regardless of this heinous enjoyment.

CHICKEN RAH!

Dear Weeb,

I can't explain this. I have no idea what possessed you to start screaming, "Chicken RAH!"

It was really, really funny to me and I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to... well, whatever people do when they're laughing really, really hard.

But I grabbed the camera, because I thought it would make a hilarious picture.

It still makes me chuckle.

EDIT TO ADD: You decided at bedtime, that you have an invisible unicorn named Chicken Rah that only says, "Rah, chicken, rah!"

SEA SHELLS

Dear Weeb,

You just showed me a sea shell and asked if it was the kind that you could hear the ocean with. I said it might be and suggested you give it a try.

So you did.

You concluded that you COULD hear the ocean and that must be why they are called sea shells.

DUMPED, BUT IT'S OKAY

Dear Weeb,

Friday morning you brought your Valentine in to school for your boyfriend, who had given you hand drawn Valentines the previous two days.

Friday, when I went to pick you up from school, I could see you in your classroom, crying. I knew the face you were making - it had to do with a boy. I'm sure I will be seeing that face many times in the future.

Your boyfriend suggested that you be another boy's girlfriend. Yet another boy told you that you were dumped. You were also heart broken.

Your teacher was doing a good job with your 5 year old affairs of the heart and explained that it was best to share friends. You seemed to be okay with that, and the fact that your heart's desire hadn't actually said you were dumped, he just suggested you have other boyfriends too.

We walked home talking about how boys are crazy and boys sometimes don't know what they want and most importantly, you are FIVE years old and shouldn't really be dating just ONE person until you're older. In fact, I'm not so sure about this 'dating' thing now!

You didn't seem all that bothered anymore.

I wonder what your 'boyfriend' thought of your Valentine when he opened it, after school.

THE BOYFRIEND SAGA CONTINUES

Dear Weeb,

You told me today that you and your boyfriend are going to have a kid date tomorrow.

A kid date?

Apparently a kid date is when you go to school and you have fun times together and maybe you blow kisses.

You also tell me that this morning he had two girlfriends but he 'broked up' with one of them. I asked if this other girl was okay and you said you didn't know.

I remind you that you are in Kindergarten.

Kindergarten.

I have more grey hair today.

Thanks for that.

PHOTOWEEBED

Dear Weeb,

If you turn into a rock star, we have the posters covered!

VALENTINES IN JANUARY

Dear Weeb,

Today, you got your first Valentine of the year.

Seriously? Your little boyfriend couldn't wait another couple of weeks?

It's a long strip of paper with four little hearts traced and colored in red.

You've just informed me that you want to draw a Valentine for him tomorrow; a picture of you holding his hand.

You tell me that your boyfriend from last year is still your boyfriend, too, though you haven't seen him since last June.

Love is in the air, and it seems that it centers around you.

I guess I can understand that.

PLAY DATES

Dear Weeb,

Stop asking if you can have five friends over for a play date.

Because their mothers will find out what a messy house of messiness we live in, that's why!

Let's wait until it's nicer outside and then have a play date. Maybe a picnic?

We have to talk to the mothers of your friends first. Because that's how it works.

And let's start with ONE kid. At THEIR house.

And then let's hope that their house is messier than ours!

THAT'S WEEBY!

It's a Weeb!