INTERVIEW WITH WEEB (AGE 5)

Weeb turned 5 in December. She did this interview when she had just turned 3 and I thought it was time to do it again.

1. What is something mommy always says to you?
Weeb: I want you to pick a library book on library day (she's afraid to pick one, for some reason).

2. What makes mommy happy?
Weeb: Karate chops on the back (my little back rubber!).

3. What makes mommy sad?
Weeb: When I don't play with you.

4. How does your mommy make you laugh?
Weeb: By copying me.

5. What was your mommy like as a child?
Weeb: You liked to pick books when you were a child.

6. How old is your mommy?
Weeb: 41.

7. How tall is your mommy?
Weeb: Almost as tall as Dad, almost to his neck.

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Weeb: Doing some computer and reading to me.

9. What does your mommy do when you're not around?
Weeb: Go to work.

10. If your mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
Weeb: Be the greatest mum ever!

11. What is your mommy really good at?
Weeb: Smiling.

12. What is your mommy not very good at?
Weeb: Crying, because happy and crying rhymes, but they are opposites.

13. What does your mommy do for a job?
Weeb: To keep your children safe. (I meant at work, Weeb.) Work on the computer.

14.What is your mommy's favorite food?
Weeb: Dumplings? Pasta? Hot dogs!

I should add that after Weeb said Dumplings were my favorite food, I said, "Dumplings? I haven't had dumplings in a hundred years!" She replied, "And were they very good?" Like she was going to catch me and end up being right. ROFL

15.What makes you proud of your mommy?
Weeb: Making me laugh.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Weeb: You'd be a princess!

17. What do you and your mommy do together?
Weeb: Color and read.

18. How are you and your mommy the same?
Weeb: By the eyes.

19. How are you and your mommy different?
Weeb: By the clothes we wear.

20. How do you know your mommy loves you?
Weeb: Because she hugs me and kisses me.

21. What does your mommy like most about your dad?
Weeb: Hugs and kisses, too.

22. Where is your mommy's favorite place to go?
Weeb: The Slurpee store.

WEEB'S HOME THEATER

Dear Weeb,

As you know, we are a family who likes to watch movies. This afternoon you set up all your toys and dolls to watch Ice Age 2 with us.

You have too many toys. And we probably watch too many movies. But at least everyone is happy.

Next time I'm not sharing the popcorn with Pooh Bear; he hogs all the buttery bits!

GRANDPA BUILT A DOLL HOUSE

Dear Weeb,

When I was a very little girl, Grandpa made a doll house for me. Grandma kept it safe and sound for the many years between my being a little girl and your being a little girl. Then Grandma and Grandpa gave it to you.

I can't quite explain how cool it is that you love this doll house as much as I did. And I can't quite explain how cool it is that Grandpa made it... for us. I hope it survives until you have a little girl to give it to.

A VERY WEEBY CHRISTMAS

Dear Weeb,

You really wanted a big, pink castle for Christmas. I said no, but said maybe if you asked Santa, he'd bring you a big, pink castle.

So you got a big, pink castle. And about a hundred Barbies. And a million more Strawberry Shortcake toys. Plus all the other stuff. You are a spoiled kid. But you did an awesome Godzilla impersonation, so I think that half our living room is full of your big, pink toys is worth it.

I was impressed by this wonderful drawing of Christmas. Look at all these happy faces! They must be kids who got big, pink castles from Santa!

I'm not really sure what the picture below is about, though there is clearly a Christmas tree, a present and a... what? An annoyed Naughty / Nice List Fairy? I'm a bit concerned about this one.

Seriously, I'm worried. I'm not even sure how to end this post. I'll be monitoring your drawings for a little while...

ROBOT ZOMBIES

Dear Weeb,

There are no robot zombies. No there isn't. No, there isn't. Trust me, there are NO robot zombies. Because I'm 41 and when you've been around 41 years you learn some stuff and if there were robot zombies, I'd have heard about it by now.

And I am fairly certain that your buddy A does not live at school.

Sometimes you just have to believe me. Because I'm your mother, that's why.

When you were four you always believed everything I said.

Okay, well, when you were three you always believed everything I said.

I suppose I should just let you live life and learn for yourself that there are no robot zombies.

I'm not really sure how one goes about learning that though. I suspect you'll have to come about your wisdom the same way I have - by getting old.

We'll talk about this more when you're 41 and your five year old daughter argues with you about the existence of robot zombies.

Love Mummy

NEW SHOES

Dear Weeb,

I don't know why you get so upset when we go to the mall to get new shoes or boots for you.

You seem to go back and forth between tragedy over missing your old shoes and the sorrow that comes with not knowing if you will ever love a pair of shoes again.

It's very odd.

The fact is that you've had these runners since school started, and as you have inside shoes and boots, you don't even wear these ones all the time and they are still destroyed! 3.5 months. Three and a half months until soley annihilation! How do you do that?

Regardless, you needed new shoes and you now have shoes that you love again. I can't wait until April when we can do this all again.

LITTLE UNICORNS

Dear Weeb,

There are little unicorns that hide in the corners of your room and hum lullabies to you at night.

And yes, you are right, the ones in Daddy's room probably sing songs about farts.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS 2010

Dear Weeb,

We have been dressing you up and posing you for seasons greeting cards since you were born.

I hope you will think that's cool, one day. But at some point you're going to be horrified by these pictures. Sorry about that. But until then, here's the awesome one your dad did for you this Christmas!

SANTA'S SECURITY CAMERAS

Dear Weeb,

I wanted to record this precious moment of your childhood.

You just came into the kitchen where I was making very marshmallowy holiday Rice Krispie Treats and you waggled your butt at me. You likely did this because your father was doing the same.

My glare (why do I always have to play the straight man?) met your grinning face and you announced, "And I'm still not on the naughty list because Santa doesn't have security cameras everywhere!"

Oh really?

So where does Santa have security cameras? Nowhere, you advise. You further explain that he has a tracking system and just knows when people are good and bad because he has a naughty and nice list, REMEMBER?!

It seems you think that because you were on the nice list in the past, you will remain there.

So, if Santa just knows, why do you think he won't see you waggling your butt at me? Your answer, "Well I just saw my daddy doing it."

Uh huh. No extra marshmallowy Rice Krispie Treats for you.

Or Daddy.

Well... maybe just one.

NOW YOU'RE FIVE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my amazing daughter! I don't know how the planet could spin without you on it!

Oh, and just because it's your birthday, it doesn't mean you're going to get taller over night... even though you did.

44" tall and 41 lbs full of five year old vile! I'm glad you enjoyed your Rainbow Play-Doh birthday party. I have no idea how we'll top that, next year!

I love you.

Mummy